My
mom only had one eye. I hated her... she was such an embarrassment. My
mom ran a small shop at a flea market. She collected little weeds and
such to sell... anything for the money we needed she was such an
embarrassment. There was this one day during elementary school.
I remember that it was field day, and my mom came. I was so embarrassed.
How
could she do this to me? I threw her a hateful look and ran out. The
next day at school..."Your mom only has one eye?!" and they taunted me.
I
wished that my mom would just disappear from this world so I said to my
mom, "Mom, why don't you have the other eye?! You're only going to make
me a laughingstock. Why don't you just die?" My mom did not respond. I
guess I felt a little bad, but at the same time, it felt good to think
that I had said what I'd wanted to say all this time.
Maybe it was because my mom hadn't punished me, but I didn't think that I had hurt her feelings very badly.
That
night...I woke up, and went to the kitchen to get a glass of water. My
mom was crying there, so quietly, as if she was afraid that she might
wake me. I took a look at her, and then turned away.
Because
of the thing I had said to her earlier, there was something pinching at
me in the corner of my heart. Even so, I hated my mother who was crying
out of her one eye. So I told myself that I would grow up and become
successful, because I hated my one-eyed mom and our desperate poverty.
Then
I studied really hard. I left my mother and came to Seoul and studied,
and got accepted in the Seoul University with all the confidence I had.
Then, I got married. I bought a house of my own. Then I had kids, too.
Now I'm living happily as a successful man. I like it here because it's a
place that doesn't remind me of my mom.
This
happiness was getting bigger and bigger, when someone unexpected came
to see me "What?! Who's this?!" ...It was my mother...Still with her one
eye. It felt as if the whole sky was falling apart on me. My little
girl ran away, scared of my mom's eye.
And
I asked her, "Who are you? I don't know you!!!" as if I tried to make
that real. I screamed at her "How dare you come to my house and scare my
daughter! GET OUT OF HERE! NOW!!!" And to this, my mother quietly
answered, "oh, I'm so sorry. I may have gotten the wrong address," and
she disappeared. Thank good ness... she doesn't recognize me. I was
quite relieved. I told myself that I wasn't going to care, or think
about this for the rest of my life.
Then
a wave of relief came upon me...one day, a letter regarding a school
reunion came to my house. I lied to my wife saying that I was going on a
business trip. After the reunion, I went down to the old shack, that I
used to call a house...just out of curiosity there, I found my mother
fallen on the cold ground. But I did not shed a single tear. She had a
piece of paper in her hand.... it was a letter to me.
She wrote:
My son...
I
think my life has been long enough now. And... I won't visit Seoul
anymore... but would it be too much to ask if I wanted you to come visit
me once in a while? I miss you so much. And I was so glad when I heard
you were coming for the reunion. But I decided not to go to the
school.... For you... I'm sorry that I only have one eye, and I was an
embarrassment for you.
You
see, when you were very little, you got into an accident, and lost your
eye. As a mother, I couldn't stand watching you having to grow up with
only one eye... so I gave you mine...I was so proud of my son that was
seeing a whole new world for me, in my place, with that eye. I was never
upset at you for anything you did. The couple times that you were angry
with me.
I thought to myself, 'it's because he loves me.' I miss the times when you were still young around me
I miss you so much. I love you. You mean the world to me.
My world shattered!!!
Then I cried for the person who lived for me... My Mother
Tuesday, May 6, 2014
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)